SCHOOL'S REOPENING!!! (\(^o^)/) « Chiming Charlotte

Saturday, March 20, 2004

SCHOOL'S REOPENING!!! (\(^o^)/)

***

I want to go to that place.
I've prepared for my journey; all that's left is to start running.

The closer I get, the more I seem to understand,
but I still pretend not to see.

But I've come to the point where I can't turn back,
and that's where I hesitate.

Even stopping scares me. Fragile and crying, you said to me:

”Being sad is the same as giving up.”

In gathering, displaying, and viewing only beautiful things
and seeing only beautiful dreams,
I was only lamenting reality.

Trying to give a shape to happiness is the same as saying...
there's no reason behind love.

Yes, I've been thinking too hard, in my head.
I've been searching for answers I don't expect to find.

I'm tired of those days of meaningless fun.

While chasing and being chased, I've lost sight of my home.
So as not to be hurt any more, I closed my eyes and turned away.

In gathering, displaying, and viewing only beautiful things
and seeing only beautiful dreams,
I only lamented reality.

No matter what this place is like, no matter where I go next,
I'll share my freedom and loneliness.
I think I can make it as I am now.

***

~ Adapted from “Naturally” by Hamasaki Ayumi ~

***

Finally!!! (^O^) School’s reopening next week! Yaaaaayyy!!!

(^__^;;;) I know I’m acting weird, weirder than always... But this is what happened whenever school’s reopening, I just don’t know the reason why~ Although I have some grudge over school, I still love going there! Maybe it makes me a better person? Hmm...

There’ll be EIGHT more months to SPM, and I just can’t wait for the real thing to come! I don’t think I’m prepared enough but after SPM, I can go anywhere I want... I want to find my own house, I don’t want to live with my two stupid siblings. The ticked me off almost everytime!!! (T_T) Even I feel like crying... hollering to them on how disappointed I am with them both. I always wanted a sis and a bro to care of, but what I got are... un... whatever you call it.

Okay, back to school! I’m determined to study hard from now on, just to make sure I can get all As for those freaking subjects. Huh... It’s quite hard you know? I’m not a genius though... I’m not even an average person! Just look at my monthly test results!!! (><) I felt like killing myself already when I found out about it last last week... (T_T) I wonder how come those people out there are sooooo smart???

OSHIETE KUDASAI!!! [=Please tell me!!! ] (T_T)

Nee, how is it like to be a genius? It must be great huh? And I’ve been dreaming to be like that one day, who knows? But after 17 years [Oh, okay... It’s only 16 years and 10 months... (-_-)] I haven’t found any clues on how to be a tensai! How, you guys??? Just tell me how!!! I’m dying to be a genius here!

Huh... fukanou desu ka? Sou ne...

I even thought it was impossible before, but thinking about those who purposely showed off in front of me, comparing my results to theirs... I felt such a horrible feeling. Even if I’ve got excellent marks for my subs, then I wouldn’t have been showing them to my classmates! Cuz I know how does it feel when it comes to losing to someone you adore, or maybe abhor so much.

But there are some people who really give inspirations to us on how to be just like them. I know, I’ve met tons of them before and now. But every time I tried to change myself to a better person, there would be another obstacle. It’s that damn self-confidence again. And so, thinking about that, I made myself into lotsa competitions just in case if I won, then it would be such a helpful thing to help me gain my confidence as well. I DID participate in those things.

But they were just making me worse, yet they made me felt down-hearted MORE than before I joined in. Well, I did tell you I’m a loser, ne? There’s always a reason for all these things I’ve said... And I certified myself as a loser AFTER I lost in many competitions. Say, even if I won, that wouldn’t do much...

Like example, I’ve won the first place for the essay contest. But I couldn’t feel anything as those who won more than just a stupid prize like me... (TT) Naze da??? Uhuhuhu... I got jealous of them! Damn it! I wasn’t supposed to be like that, but I couldn’t do anything. They’re so perfect that I almost fell sick for a week after that. Fever lah, flu lah... aiyo... Even my head hurts again now.
(-__-;;;) Itai yo~

Until, when I saw someone worse off than me, then I would feel relieved. Like one of those Ayumi’s songs, it says...

When you see someone worse off than you
you feel a little relieved.
When you see someone happier than you
you quickly become impatient.

~ “End Of World” by Ayumi ~

See? I’ve told ya her songs were about our life... It’s happening to me right now. Oh okay, I’m making myself saddened again!!! Wai... school’s gonna reopen and you’re feeling like shit here???

SO??? Don’t bother me, ignore.

Ignore.

Then I won’t go anywhere, be a loser forever in my entire whole life.

Huh?

I WON’T!

I’ll... try and fight them back. As long as I have my brain, then it won’t be anything wrong ne?

That’s what I always think when I’m about to lose myself. By the way, last Thursday I went shopping!!! (^O^)

(^^;;;) I change myself to a genki girl again... hehe... Unexpectedly.

Yup! Shopping! I went to the Popular Book Store and they were having an enormous sale there, and so I bought lots of books as my preparations for SPM! Those books are suop-er coolie! I can memorize everything even when I was window-shopping those books! (^^) I bought them all! I can’t believe it!

Books might be a lil bit boring to you, but I always love books! They’re my life, and I won’t eat them no matter how hungry I get in the future. (^_^;;;) Whatever... and after book shopping, I went to buy Saiyuki RELOAD Vol. 5-8!!! Woah... this one’s better! If any of you out there love Saiyuki, then just buy this one!!! You’ll love it, I assure you.

Well... although some of the scenes have some ‘blemish’ drawings, but MOST of it, you’re gonna swoon for them you know??? (^_^) My favourite episode is episode 7. About Sanzo and a neko!!! Kawaii!!! (^o^) They’re so cute together! Well, I never thought that Sanzo...

Sanzo’s fans: OI!!! Don’t spoil the thrill lah you!!! You tell them what happened to Sanzo, I’ll surely KILL YOU! ###

Okay, FINE! Then just buy it and watch! I love the drawings when it comes to the end of the episode where Sanzo’s smoking while looking to his left [despite he really NEEDED to kill Gojyo and Goku for making a toy out of that neko’s name...] So cute! I wish I’ve got that cat already!!! (><) [By the way, ‘daigoro’ is... un... you’re right when it doesn’t even suit a female cat, KB! (^^;;;) Though the meaning is so cat-like...] WATCH IT!! Available at your nearest Speedy outlets!!! Or maybe other places, I don’t know. Oro? I'm advertising??? (^^;;;)

BUT FOR SURE, I would like to thank Chihori-chan for telling us [in your cute bloggie (^^)] that you’ve already got Saiyuki RELOAD vol. 5-8!!! Without you, I wouldn’t have it now! Yeah... I thought it hasn’t coming out yet... And then you mentioned about it. (^^) ARIGATOU CHIHORI-CHAN!

Saa, I guess that’s all I got to say. Bye and take care!!! Well, do pray for my luck, okay you guys? Arigatou! (^o^)

“Kanashii no wa akiramete shimau koto da”

“Being sad is the same as giving up.”

Oh okay... (^^;;;)

Then I’ll never give up.

NEVER.

Un... any supports to help me from falling again?

= Tomo-chan =

Posted at 02:04 am by Tomomi-chan

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